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3 Ways to Respond to Hurtful Words

Hurtful Words

(This post is a giveaway!) A good story transcends time, culture, and history, grabbing our hearts in a way no other medium can. A good story even has power to give a voice to the voiceless, hope for the hopeless, and the power to overcome hurtful words.

But no story offers entrance into the world of relationships like the greatest story ever told—the Bible. Full of romance, conflict, betrayal, and more, these true stories reveal the power of real love transforming the lives of real people. People just like you and me.

I’ve held my Bible close through the years, but it seemed to come more alive for me during a particularly traumatic time in my life. Somewhere in the midst of grief and healing from a crushing relationship, I found a story in the Old Testament that literally changed my life.

The True Tale of Two Wives

This story centers on a man named Ephraim and his two wives. (See 1 Samuel 1:1-20.) Peninnah had many children. And although Hannah had none, she had the love of her husband. These facts alone make the story ripe for conflict.

This true story is filled with lessons on both healthy and unhealthy behaviors for relationships. If the cameras of reality TV had been rolling in 1083 BC, these two women would have been catapulted into stardom, starring in The Real Housewives of Ephraim or perhaps guest stars on an episode of Sister Wives.

Imagine how the juicy storyline would have filled today’s social media:

“Poor Hannah—Unable to Give Her Husband a Beloved Firstborn Son.”

Or maybe,

“Motherhood is hopeless for Hannah. Bring on the next woman!”

And if the shame of infertility wasn’t enough, Elkanah’s second wife, Penni—who was more than fertile—relentlessly flaunted her fertility. First Samuel 1:6 says, “Because the Lord had closed Hannah’s womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her.”

The Bible Speaks Wisdom for Today

In order to irritate her. I really tried to give Penni the benefit of the doubt. She didn’t have it easy. But I finally realized I couldn’t sugarcoat Penni’s unhealthy, negative, hurtful presence in Hannah’s life. Penni was Hannah’s rival. Plain and simple, she was not a nice person.

Sadly, the world hasn’t changed. Mean-spirited people still exist. And they still purposeful work to hurt others with their words and behavior.

But Hannah’s story spoke wisdom to my story. Her response to her situation and to Penni, helped me know how God would have me respond to my own relationship trauma.

Hannah purposefully chose to respond in three ways: Hannah chose to pray, cling, and love.

 The more Penni spoke hurtful words, the more Hannah opened her heart to God in prayer. The harder Penni pushed, the harder Hannah clung to God, with the same relentless pursuit. And the hardest thing Hannah did that has the potential to change everything? When Penni chose hate, Hannah chose not to retaliate.

When those in our lives choose to act in hurtful ways towards us, we too have a choice. We can choose to act in kind or we can choose love. Is it easy? Oh no. But it is empowering.

How do you respond the last time someone spoke words that hurt you? (Comment to enter the giveaway!)

Overcoming Hurtful WordsToday’s post is by Janell Rardon, author of the new book Overcoming Hurtful Words: Rewrite Your Own Story. Hurtful words can steal joy, distort truth, and create long-term struggles with understanding your worth and purpose. In this powerful new book, counselor and life coach Janell Rardon, MA, equips you to address and reframe negative words and labels that have hurt you in order to achieve healing and lasting freedom.

Download Chapter One of “Overcoming Hurtful Words.

Free small group study guide for “Overcoming Hurtful Words”

Janell Rardon

Janell Rardon is an event speaker and board certified life coach (AACC) who specializes in marriage and family relationships, She loves nothing more than helping others speak healing words that help them live a rich, meaningful life. She loves traveling to Kenya with Tree of Lives, a non-profit serving the African family, with a particular interest in serving the Mamas of “The Joy Village,” a family-modeled orphanage to care for abandoned, abused and neglected children of Kenya.

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12 Responses to 3 Ways to Respond to Hurtful Words

  1. Kela Nellums March 12, 2018 at 10:06 am #

    I simply shut down when others speak hurtful words to me. Most of the time I just cry out to the Lord and say, “get’em, God!” Other times I do seek to know if there is ANY truth to what they’re saying.

    I usually don’t re-visit the hurt WITH them and try to reconcile. I just drop it, guard my heart more around them, and choose not to engage them in anything.

    • Kathy March 12, 2018 at 11:48 am #

      Thanks Kela, you are entered. I think it shows a lot of spiritual maturity to ask God if there is any truth in what they’ve said. And courage!

  2. Noelle March 12, 2018 at 10:17 am #

    Cried when they left the room.Then I kept thinking about it and got I put worship music on.

    • Kathy March 12, 2018 at 11:49 am #

      HI Noelle, you are entered. I think worship music was a wise move!

  3. Dana Wyant March 12, 2018 at 10:58 am #

    Prayed prayed prayed ( oh and cried too)

    • Kathy March 12, 2018 at 11:50 am #

      Dana, I would cry too. Prayer is always the best first response! You are entered in the drawing!

  4. Denise R. March 12, 2018 at 12:28 pm #

    I don’t cry. I sob – I do the ugly cry. And then I withdraw first into my room and then into myself. I am numb. I have done something kind and thoughtful, but most of all sacrificial – costly in time, energy, and emotions. In am 6 years into recovery of a catastrophic betrayal. I dared to heroically extend my heart and it was crushed again. Does any earthly being appreciate my value and significances? By faith, and, only by faith do I again turn to the Only One who really loves me for who I am.

    • Kathy March 12, 2018 at 3:54 pm #

      Denise, I am so sorry you have had to experience such hurt. And you are right, the Lord is the only One that is always faithful, always kind. But you can heal. Sounds like Janell’s book would be a good read for you. You are entered into the drawing!

  5. Bkay March 12, 2018 at 1:12 pm #

    I’m anxious to get this book. I put it on m list a few days ago! After reading the first chapter on your link, I’m even more ready! It’s always been a joke with a few people that know me well that I have written across my forehead, “Please be cruel to me!” I’ve had some doozies said to me that have crushed me to the core. My first reaction is to freeze. Then I mull it over in my head over and over. A few times I have responded by defending myself and then I feel bad and apologize and have even asked for them to forget everything I said. For someone who should be used to cruel words, I’m a mess in this department. While serving in full time ministry and then more years as a volunteer in serving the church, it has left me in crumbles. I’m thankful that I have a husband to sound off to and most of all, my Savior….I just take everything to Him and ask for wisdom.

    • Kathy March 12, 2018 at 4:18 pm #

      Isn’t is sad that sometimes those we encounter in ministry are often the most likely to hurt us? I know you are thankful for your husband! I hope Janell’s book will be a source of wisdom and encouragement for you! You are entered in the drawing!

  6. Judy March 12, 2018 at 1:56 pm #

    I face this with a family member. I choose to not become defensive, address any issues that can be addressed and guard my lips. Depending on the severity of the situation I text trusted female friends asking for prayer. And last, but not least, I pray and go to God’s Word.

    • Kathy March 12, 2018 at 4:19 pm #

      Thanks Judy for reminding us to “guard our lips!” It’s so easy when we are hurt to talk to much about it in the wrong way to others or to “retaliate” with our words. You are entered in the drawing!