I’m going to be completely honest with you. Real prayer does not come easy for me.
I don’t doubt the need for prayer. I need it desperately; I want it desperately. In fact, I strongly believe that without real prayer, a believer’s relationship with God will only be superficial.
Unfortunately, many of us practice a watered down version of prayer. We sit with our Bible and our “prayer list” and spend 15 minutes, 30 minutes, or even an hour telling God how we’d like Him to work in and around our lives.
Has that ever been you? My hand is in the air.
What is “real prayer?”
I can go through the motions of prayer easily enough. I’ve learned some tricks to stay focused. I can run down a list and let God know how I “need” Him to work. How I want Him to take care of things. That kind of “praying” is fairly easy if you can stay focused and take the time. But real prayer is a lot harder – at least for me.
Real prayer is simply giving my needs to God and allowing Him to meet them in His way. Real prayer doesn’t seek to change God’s mind to do my will, but instead seeks God’s mind and will. My goal in prayer should be to allow God to change my heart and mind to reflect His.
Real prayer is not an activity limited to a time slot in my day, but an ongoing relationship with the living God. In her book “Live a Praying Life,” Jennifer Kennedy Dean describes prayer like this:
Prayer is opening our lives to God, acknowledging our total dependence on Him. It is an attitude of receptivity in which we live every moment. It is being open to Him at all times. It is living in the presence of God, always in the process of being reshaped and recreated by Him.
Yes, we need times of focused prayer when our attention is focused solely on God. But real prayer never ends. It permeates and invades every moment of our lives. And as we practice real prayer, we will develop an intimacy with God that’s not possible in any other way.
Why is Real Prayer so Hard?
So if real prayer is so wonderful, why is it so hard for me? I’ve been thinking about this question. Here are a few things that have hit me between the eyes:
- Real prayer requires time and discipline – Although prayer is a way of life, I also must regularly shut out everything else and spend intense, focused time with just God. But I often yield to the calls of the to-do list or sleep or a thousand other less important things.
- Real prayer requires humility – I like to think I’m pretty smart. I can see how my problems could be solved. I know what my future should look like. I even dare to tell God how I think I could serve Him best. I must set aside my foolish pride and humbly go to the only One who really knows best.
- Real prayer requires stillness and quietness – The world bombards us with entertainment, emails, news, social media, and more. But all that is just noise and distraction that keeps me from hearing God’s voice. I have to be purposeful in keeping the laptop closed, the TV off, and my heart and mind tuned in to the Creator.
- Real prayer requires waiting – I have a hard time waiting on God’s answer. Sometimes He answers right away and other times He wants us to wait. To lean in to listen. He has much to say to us if we will but wait long enough for Him to speak. And sometimes, the answer is in the waiting.
- Real prayer requires obedience – If I seek God’s will or ask Him to meet a need and fail to do what He says I essentially cut off that communication. My lack of obedience tells God I don’t believe His way is best. That I think I can do it better myself. Obedience proves my trust and reliance and builds the relationship.
Time, humility, stillness, waiting, and obedience. Real prayer. My sinful human nature fights it. My spirit longs for it. So I’ll keep practicing. And praying.
Are these things hard for you? What do you find the most difficult?
Other posts you might find helpful:
Time and discipline, stillness and quietness I find difficult. But probably my biggest hurdle in prayer is staying focused, and, of course, that relates to the the first four difficulties. Try as I might, my mind will go off on a tangent. I get so frustrated with myself. A book I’ve read, more than once, that I find helpful is “Invitation to Solitude and Silence” by Ruth Hayley Barton.
Thank you, Kathy, for being so open with your own struggles in this area.
Hi Jane! I also have trouble staying focused. However, I find that using a journal helps keep my mind from wandering. Even if I only jot the main thought and then expand on it in prayer it helps me stay focused on my prayer.
Hi Kathy,
My problem is not following the method of ‘real prayer,’ if you will. Rather my difficulties is remaining consistent. I can start off well, full of zeal and enthusiasm, but it quickly waines away somewhere near the middle to end of the month. The last if sticktoativeness is my problem!
~Marion
Marion, I do understand! There are a few things you can do to help keep you going. One is consistency in when and where you pray. It helps form the habit of prayer. Another is to keep all your quiet time “tools” – Bible, journal, pen, devotional, whatever you use – gathered together in your spot where you meet with God. The easier you can make it to sit down with Him the more likely you will be to keep at it. And ask Him for help. He wants to help!
I also long for God and praying, seeking. His will in everything I do.
And on paper, it looks easy.
We find that it’s not…..I appreciate your honesty, I have found that when we begin to get honest and humble, it is
amazing how it changes our attitudes about others. My prayers are honest and sincere, I think part of my struggle is I’m falling short according to my religion, possibly. So I will continue to seek God and never never never give up.
Bless you for your work.
What do you say about going to a church. I have been saved in the name of Jesus Christ..Romans 10:10-13
Hi Paul, thanks for coming by. the Bible teaches/shows that Christians cannot be all God wants us to be without a vital connection to a local church. Here are a couple of posts that might help:
https://www.kathyhoward.org/worship-better-together/
https://www.kathyhoward.org/let-the-church-search-begin/
Kathy,
You certainly hit the nail on the head with this one. You’re exactly right. Any individual one of those five reasons makes true prayer very difficult. We must rely on the Father to reveal Himself to us if we want to overcome all five of them. Thank you for sharing this.
I like your list of why real prayer is hard. When we focus on those 5 things it takes the focus off of us and puts it on God and then prayer is what it is supposed to be–conversation with God.
Well said ma’am. Sometimes I find my prayers seem to be “hitting the ceiling and reflecting back upon me. I realize in those moments, I need to go back and prepare myself to pray effectively. If my heart isn’t fully into it, then I need to address that. I don’t think God wants to listen to the half-hearted pleas of His children. Great post!
Well, Kathy, I know you didn’t write this just for me, but it could have been. I’ve been struggling with developing “real” prayer for a while. Every one of your suggestions is right on target and I need to work on each category. Thank you for inspiring me to be more focused and disciplined in my prayer life.
Katherine, I’m so glad the post encouraged you! This is an ongoing struggle for me but I am continuing to work it out with God’s help!
thee are great short lessons. I am using them
for my Sunday School Lessons.
THANKS,
Edward
Hi Edward, I think I need those lessons to nourish me. Thanks also to Kathy for giving us advising lessons and commends.