I was disciplined. A day without a formal quiet time was really rare. And I confess to you now, that I felt a little “self-righteous” about my “faithfulness” to God.
Then my husband retired.
And my “discipline” went out the window.
I’d had this perfect routine. When Wayne went into the kitchen at 5:15 am, I got up and joined him. We took care of the dogs, made coffee, and visited while he ate breakfast. As soon as he left for work about 5:45, I’d take my coffee to my desk and open my Bible and my journal.
His regular schedule shaped a regular time with God for me.
But since December, he has had no regular schedule. His lack of schedule has tremendously messed with my regular schedule. He doesn’t leave in the morning. And he turns on talk radio. And he asks questions. And he wants me to do stuff.
Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE that he is around. I am glad that he retired. But his change has meant change for me. My once regular quiet time is now more sporadic. I have to work harder to make it happen.
And Wayne’s retirement is not our only major change. We’ve been traveling back and forth to my parents’ home in another state to pack their house and move their things to Tennessee to be near my brother. And we’ve been working around our house in preparation to sell it. As soon as it sells, we will be moving from Houston to the Dallas area to be near our daughters and their families.
Right now, the only consistency in my life seems to be inconsistency. And I’m still trying to adjust to the non-schedule. Honestly, I have felt a little “faithless” lately. For years, I have encouraged you to have a regular time with God and now I am the one struggling. And even though I am praying and reading His Word here and there, I am languishing over the lack of consistency.
But yesterday, God dropped a solid truth in my lap to encourage me. I was reading in 2 Timothy trying to keep up with the Bible study I’m in at church. (I’m doing and loving “Entrusted” by Beth Moore.) It was these words:
If we are faithless, He will remain faithful, for He cannot disown Himself. 2 Timothy 2:13, NIV
Yes! God is always faithful even when I am not. He is always faithful because that is who He is. He is faithful by nature and He will not be faithless.
So, in light of my faithlessness, I am clinging to God’s faithfulness. I will ask Him to help me commit to a “new normal” and relying on His faithfulness I will set my alarm.
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I don’t think you’ve been faithless….you’ve experienced two major life changes simultaneously. Creating that new normal just takes time. Continuing to pray for you!
Thank you Lori! The Lord is indeed faithful. He woke me at 6am this morning and after laying there for a couple of minutes, I got up to meet with Him. So glad I did!
Kathy, ooohh….these feelings are so familiar. Thanks for sharing your journey. I also long for uninterrupted time and have considered redoing a walk-in closet.
Jeanne, if you do that, I’d love to see a photo!
It probably won’t happen since I would need to evict all of our clothes out of the one walk-in closet. But I am sure we could all brainstorm ways to create a space. Afterall, Susanna Wesley just used an apron over her head. 🙂
Thanks for sharing! My quiet times are so great when babe wakes up to feed at 5…. I sneak downstairs and enjoy the quiet with Him. When He’s up at 1 and/or 2 and/or 4, my “normal” is thrown off. I confessed this to God yesterday and my desire to have time with Him I could not seem to muster up on my own… this morning, He slept my little man right on through the night until 5 and I enjoyed some quiet moments with Him. So thankful He can carve out time when we cannot.
Yea! Thanks so much for sharing this! I love that God honors our desire to spend time with Him.
Retirement is repurposing with a refreshing new schedule while walking with the Good Shepherd in a different pasture. New places take time for adjustments in schedules, relationships, and old habits.
It’s the heart attitude that makes the new adventure a breeze or a storm. Kathy, your heart pumps with the love of the Lord. You’ll do fine.
Thank you for sharing this message with us today. As a seasoned retiree, I want to encourage you to enjoy this adjustment time because it’s part of His plan for repurposing your relationships and service.
My husband has been off work for a few months due to health reasons, and he royally messed up my me+God time! He no longer leaves so that I can have that time alone with God, he constantly wants to chat and have me do things…I finally had to tell him that I would not be doing anything other than study at a certain time of day. I let him know how important that study time is to me and how cranky I get when I don’t have it. He remembered the said cranky and leaves me to my study time now! 😀 I hope you get back to your routine as well. Perhaps you could talk to your man as well? Praying for you and the season you’re in!
Charissa,thank you for sharing your experience. You’re right! The up front, straight-forward approach is so often best! Why haven’t I done that already? Maybe I thought he would just “know.” But after 33 years of marriage I really should know better than that!
I tend to expect mine to just know, and don’t even think to speak up most of the time! After a few cranky days, and a couple of not so nice remarks, I finally had to tell him how much I needed my God time! He can tell when I haven’t had time with God, only through Him am I even close to being a morning person! lol I hope you get it all worked out, both your God time, as well as the move for you and your parents! I’ve moved at least 16 times; 13 of them in only 7 years so I know how awful moving is! But to have to move two homes?!? Thank goodness you have God on your side! Know I am praying diligently for you and your family! <3